Dear Drivers

I don’t know about you guys but I really hate people who don’t know how to drive. They never know where they’re going and end up cutting me off, or they never use a blinker then get pissed at me for “almost hitting them.” So I wrote a little poem for those people.

Dear Drivers,

The little nob on the left

That goes up and down

Exists for you to not make

Other drivers frown

 

Push it down to signal left

Up to turn right

If you don’t start using it

We’re gonna have a fight

 

When it’s raining or there’s fog

You need your lights on

Night or day it doesn’t matter

It keeps the traffic strong

 

The light is not for you to see

In the cloudy day

I can’t see your dumbass car

With all the water spray

 

There’s lots of things that drivers do

That make me upset

Like speeding past my 75

Or going slow when it is wet

 

You’re not the only one on the road

I am here as well

With all of your bad driving

You’re going straight to hell

TIP YOUR SERVERS

Non-tippers!

That’s all I have to say and you immediately enrage every person in the food industry. There are so many arguments about tipping. Here let me tell you the answer to everything you have to say:

TIP YOUR SERVERS!

I am not busting my ass trying to make your dining experience the best I can while your spouting rude things to me and giving me an attitude for $3 an hour for you not to tip me. Yes, that’s right: I ONLY MAKE $3 AN HOUR! And that’s the top of the range. There are servers who make LESS than that.

“Then why don’t you get a different job?”

Okay, so you won’t have anyone to serve your food? You do understand that statement makes no sense. If all the servers got “better jobs” you wouldn’t have anyone to serve you if you want to go out to eat. Also, not many of us can get “better jobs” because we don’t have the experience to get those jobs. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to get a retail job because I didn’t have retail experience? It doesn’t have to be a big office job, it can be as “small” as being a cashier at a store. You literally don’t need any experience to be a server, you just need to understand a menu and have a decent customer service voice.

Something else you need to understand if you don’t tip, another reason you need to tip is because, in many places, we have to tip out to the bussers, bartenders, food runners, hosts, and anyone else maybe. So we end up losing a portion of our tips. Many places tip out based on sales. So if I have sales of $1000, I tip out anywhere between 2-10 percent. So when you don’t tip, I have to tip out, out of pocket. I am paying for you to eat, rather than getting paid to do my job.

“Well restaurants should pay minimum wage.”

Another stupid statement. Yes, it would be nice but what you need to understand, if we get paid more, the menu prices will go up, and many places will lose business, especially individually owned places. If a mom and pop dinner is forced to pay their servers $10 an hour, they will have to raise the prices on their menu to accommodate the money being paid to their employees, and because dinners pretty much survive off of regulars, if they learn that the prices are going up, there is a 50/50 chance they will stop going there. They lose business, they lose money, and go out of business. It’s not as big a problem for corporate places but people will still get upset because the prices will still go up.

If you are someone who doesn’t tip, please let your server know ahead of time so they don’t have to waste their energy on you. They don’t get paid enough. They have bills to pay just like you so PLEASE TIP! Always.

If the service isn’t great but they look like they’re trying, TIP!

If your server is very busy so can’t always be at your table, TIP!

If it seems like she/he is having a bad day but is still trying, TIP!

IF YOU SIT AT A TABLE FOR OVER AN HOUR JUST TALKING, DOUBLE TIP! You are taking another table away from your server because you decided you wanna catch up.

I tip 18-20 percent always! If the service is BANGIN’! I tip 25 or more percent.

The only tip I will ever not tip is if they are downright rude or forget about me completely. I am not a rude person to my servers or my customers and I expect the same respect.

So, last time, TIP YOUR SERVERS!

Thanks for reading guys!

I Don’t Want Breakfast During Breakfast!

You know what I really hate? People who come to a restaurant and act like they’re better than everyone else. I work at a restaurant and, unfortunately have to deal with this kind of thing. I have many stories of customers who think they deserve the world, but I’m going to tell you about the most recent one.

It was a very annoying Saturday morning. I already had a few annoying customers and tips were horrible. Then this lady with her two kids comes in and sits at my table. I go over and greet them, but before I get say anything, she says, “can we get a lunch menu, we don’t want breakfast.”

To this I kindly explain that we don’t serve breakfast until eleven (it was about nine-thirty). “But I don’t want breakfast we’re just stopping for something to eat while we travel. Can we get anything that isn’t breakfast?”

“Well, we can do fried things like fish and chicken, but that’s about it for lunch.”

“I don’t eat meat is there anything else?”

“Anything that can fry, like fries, and salads, I guess.” I’m trying not to look annoyed at her stupidity. You don’t come into a BREAKFAST restaurant during BREAKFAST and ask for lunch. Not to mention she’s got an attitude with me the entire time. So does her daughter.

“Well, can we get some fries for her (her youngest), we want those first.” She looks at the table tent and sees one of our old drinks. “Can I get this, too?”

“I’m sorry, we no longer have that drink but we do have this drink for our summer promotions.”

She scoffs and rolled her eyes at me, “you guys should get some new management if you’re gonna have old items still on display.” WHAT? How does that make any sense?

“Did you want anything else?” The fakeness of my smile was starting to hurt.

“Nah, we got water.” Well, okay then.

I hold my eye rolls in until I get into the kitchen and I can’t control my annoyance. “God, people are so annoying, who the hell comes to a restaurant during breakfast time and expects lunch?”

I go back out a few minute later with my fake smile and ask if they were ready to order. “Yeah can I get a salad, but like, do you have any without meat, I don’t eat meat.”

“You could get a Cesar salad, all of our other salads come with some kind of meat on it.”

“Well I don’t eat meat.” Okayyy, then get the Cesar salad then.

“Can I get the salad with like some kind of fish?” Fish? What happened to ‘I don’t eat meat?’

“Well, we have haddock and catfish, you could get on it, it would be extra, though since it doesn’t come with the salad.” This piece of information is very important.

“Yeah, I’ll get the haddock on it.”

“What dressing would you like?”

“Uhh,” Reading the menu that says the kind of dressing we have, “The Italian.”

“I’ll have the same, but with French.” Said the daughter.

“We’ll just share the haddock.” The mom says again. “Also I want an egg sandwich with egg whites, and white American.” YOU JUST SAID YOU DIDN’T WANT BREAKFAST!

“We only have yellow American.” She legit sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

Okay, I’m getting ready to head back, “Don’t forget the fries out first!”

I nodded and go back to put in the order. Now there is no other way to put in the order then to ring up a chicken salad and ring in the haddock separate, then let the cooks know they don’t need to drop the chicken. So that’s what I did, I rang in two chicken salads, fries as an app, the egg sandwich, and a separate piece of haddock.

Fast forward, fries are out, salads are made and I’m bringing out the food. I place down the salads, the haddock, and her sandwich. “Anything else I can get for you?”

“Why is this fat free, I hate fat free.” She throws the dressing packets on the table in front of me.

You did not just throw that at me. “We only have fat free Italian.”

“Well get me something else.”

Fake ass smile. “What would you like?”

“Just get me French.”

I go back grab the French and take it back out to her without another word to her.

Back in the kitchen I’m going crazy, my coworkers and managers can’t stop shaking their heads at this lady who clearly does not know how to act at a restaurant.

Fast forward again and I bring out their check and some boxes, she looks at the check and instantly becomes an even bigger bitch than she was before. “Why the hell did you charge me for the chicken salads and the haddock?”

“Well, since the haddock is more expensive than the chicken we have to charge for it, and we don’t have any other way to ring it in.”

“Well, it’s kinda fucked up that I’m paying ten dollars for each salad with it’s just lettuce and then for that haddock.” I wanted to tell her she’s also paying for the tomatoes, cucumbers, cheese, croutons, eggs, and dressing. But obviously I wasn’t’ going to actually say that or I would get fired.

I tried explaining a few times that that’s how we have to do it, but she wouldn’t have it and actually started cussing me out. Like really, cussing me out, are you serious! Tired of it, I just said I’d get the manager. I explained to him what all happened and he said he’d go talk to her.

Of course because “the customer is always right,” the bitch got her salad taken off. “I was just tired of hearing her complain.” He explained which I can understand.

I took the new check out and gave it to her, “He took off your salad.” I explained, not even faking a smile, I was just done with her.

Of course now that she got a meal taken off, she is smiling and saying thank you and have a good day. I was utterly shocked when she left a tip, not much but still. Usually people never tip when they’re uber upset about their meal.

I really hate the people who do that, don’t do that! Don’t go to a place and acts like you’re the most important person there, because you’re not. You are just like everyone else. Don’t act like you deserve to get lunch during breakfast, then throw a fit when we have to charge you extra for EXTRA FOOD! That’s how things work. That lady set the mood for the whole day and the rest of it sucked royally. Customers like that can go straight to hell, and if you teach your children to act like that to wait staff, go straight to Tartarus. You are the worst human being in the world. We are simply trying to make some money doing our job and you come in and make the day hell because you think you’re better than me. YOU’RE NOT!!

So to conclude this Rant Day, don’t be an asshole to your server and think you are above them.

Thanks for reading!